How many times have you heard “parenting should come with a handbook”? Let’s get down to it, no handbook is going to get down to the nitty gritty of motherhood. It comes with trial and error, experiences, failures and accomplishments. I am a single mother raising two children, there are some days when I feel like I’m crushing it – days when we get out of the house in time to make it to school, the lunches are packed, the kids have matching socks on and I even have time to stop and get myself a coffee after. However, there are other days that I feel like I’m a complete failure. Those are the days when my daughter refuses to brush her hair, my son can’t find his math homework he supposedly left on the kitchen table, I burnt the toast..you get the idea.
How could I be so bad at something I was created to do and meant for?
I had spent a lot of time comparing myself to other moms who seem to have it all together. You know the ones I’m talking about, hair perfectly done, no stains on their shirts, Pinterest complete for every birthday party. I was so consumed with trying to be the perfect mom that I completely lost my own identity. I had a breakdown one night because I was just so overwhelmed, the kids weren’t doing their chores after being asked multiple times, it was 6:30pm I was trying to cook dinner while putting away laundry and finally I just locked myself in the bathroom, sobbed and sobbed. How could I be so bad at something I was created to do and meant for? Wrong. I realized that since I cared so much it meant I was dedicated to my children – to providing them with the best care, the most love; a safe place.
As moms, we need to parent whatever way works for you and your children. Every family is different. What works for me might not work for you, so can we just stop being so hard on ourselves and focus on the positive things that we are nailing? Look at these little humans we created, they are a reflection of us. My kids are kind, giving, compassionate and that’s what I did. Forget all the things I think I’m failing at, look at the things I’m succeeding in! Being mom of the year isn’t going to make or break your kids; it’s the intention and effort and they will recognize that. They don’t need a perfect mom, they need a happy, engaging mom. I find that when I am extremely stressed out it’s because I start to feel guilty that I’m not doing this and that perfectly for my kids, but isn’t it about quality?
Being a perfect mom is a complete lie, but trying your best is infinitely possible. You don’t have to get things right every single time, you just have to show them love and lead by example of being a good human being. So, I give you permission to parent without guilt and stop being afraid of getting it wrong. Let me tell you moms, you’re doing a great job even on those days when you feel like you’re not. Keep killin’ it mama, embrace all those moments good and bad and just keep on keepin.
My name is Victoria and I am a single mother to a 10 year old son and 6 year old daughter. I love sharing my parenting experiences with other parents because I know how hard and overwhelming it can get and if I can help give any insight or just reassurance that yes, we are all going through this together then that is amazing to me.